-

Blogs and Articles

There is no doubt that one important quality of parenting (and of maintaining one's sanity while parenting!) is a sense of humor. It can smooth the bumps, soothe the feelings and lighten the heaviest of loads. Humor, used properly, can teach your children to approach life in a positive manner by encouraging a second look at circumstances which may at first seem overwhelming or unbearable. However, humor can also be a sharp sword which cuts deeply into the self-esteem of your child and as such should be used with thoughtfulness and...

"I just don't understand it," one Mom complained. "He was so awful all weekend, and I was so patient. I must have bitten my tongue a thousand times, and he just kept at me. Finally, I just couldn't take it anymore and I lost it. I felt completely unappreciated."

The most common definition of "patient" in Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary, reads: "to bear pains or trials calmly or without complaint." But if we bear our children's misbehavior without complaint, what are we teaching our children? In the long run, how effective is our patience? And what,...

A mother sat in my office the other day, telling me about her preadolescent son. He was surly, she said, and when he spoke to her it was with a great deal of eye rolling and nasty comments. He refused to pick up his clothes, and his simple chores of taking out the trash and setting the table were never done properly. Even when she approached him to ask a question about something he wanted - such as when he would like to leave for soccer practice, he would snap at her, they'd invariably get into an argument, and he'd wind up saying something like "Never mind, I don't want to go...

Depending upon whether your child is entering preschool, on-going (elementary) school, middle school, high school or even college next year, this is the time of "acceptances" and "rejections." You may have already heard whether your child was accepted into a particular school, or you may still be waiting to hear. It is a time of anxiety and dread, of agony and ecstasy. And your child stands to be caught in the middle of a very adult phenomenon and to be burdened by it and suffer unduly because of it.

There are two times of the year when my office is...

A mother pulled me aside after a lecture I'd given and asked if I would answer a question for her. "I feel like I'm caught in a bind with my daughter," she explained. "I enrolled her in an after school sports program that she said she wanted to sign up for. We're not even halfway through the semester though, and she's telling me she doesn't like it and wants to drop out. I'm confused. She's only six, and I hate to make her do something that she's really unhappy with, but at the same time I think she about the right age to start learning about commitment."

...

How can I get my two year old to cooperate in the morning? Does this differ for a 7 year old?

Most parents approach morning chaos with the thought "How can I make this easier for me?" I've found, however, that it's often more effective to ask "How can I make this easier for my child?"

Mornings can be difficult for adults and children alike. Children often feel confused and frustrated by having to adhere to a time schedule that they don't understand or value. Because their priorities are different from those of an adult, it's difficult for them to...

"We took our cat to the vet for a check-up. Everything was fine, but when we brought him home and opened the travel box that he was in, he was dead. What do I tell my daughter? It was her cat."

"I know it may sound ridiculous, but my son won a fish at a street fair, and three days later it died. He absolutely fell apart. About a fish! I don't know what to say to him."

"My husband died last night. How do I tell our son?"

When a child experiences the death of a person or of a beloved

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, the Sandman ... these mythical characters sprinkle our childhood memories and fill us with nostalgia. As parents, most of us weave these fantasies into tales which enrich and enhance our own little one's childhood experience. Children look eagerly forward to the magical appearance of gifts under a tree, money under a pillow, even tales of the Sandman serve their purpose in gently transitioning a child from the excitement of a day filled with activity to a restful sleep. These mythical characters add magic and...

When it comes to our children, every parent has experienced the emotions of worry and guilt. In fact, I often tell my workshop participants that these two feelings in particular seem to go hand in hand with the title of Mom or Dad. Worry and guilt aren't necessarily negative of course. For example, maybe you have a nagging worry about your child's ongoing cough so you call the doctor one more time and discover that indeed, he has bronchitis. Or maybe you feel guilty because you blamed your daughter for something she didn't do, and your guilt causes you to...

In Part I we talked about the importance of instituting a consistent bedtime routine in order to help your child stay in bed. But what happens if your child is still getting out of bed numerous times during the evening?

There are two more things to try prior to the disciplinary technique which will follow.

1) Eliminate sugar prior to bedtime, especially chocolate. Chocolate has caffeine, and sugar stimulates your child. Both of these can make it difficult for your child to fall asleep.

2) Eliminate TV prior to bedtime. Many parents believe that TV helps make...

In today's society, and at younger and younger ages, people are increasingly horrified by the rude attitude and foul language used by young people of all ages. From the five year old who defiantly puts her hands on her hips, lifts one eyebrow and declares to her mother "You're stupid, and I don't have to do what you say" to the four letter words that erupt from the mouths of teenagers, lack of respect for one's elders appears to be increasingly prevalent. How then do we engage (or even demand) the respect of our children? And how do we encourage them to show...

Now that the cold weather is upon us, many parents are faced with the difficulty of encouraging their children to bundle up to stay warm. While some (though it seems very few!) children do this willingly, the vast majority kick and scream their way up from toddlerhood through adolescent defiance, all the while remaining absolutely adamant about NOT putting on that extra sweater or bulky coat. So what's a parent to do? Should parents simply give up or is this a worthwhile battle to engage in? Let's take a look at some of the causes of defiance as well as a few...

"My daughter's teacher asked me to look over her homework on a nightly basis. Apparently, she's been handing in sloppy work that sometimes isn't complete. But now all we do is fight over the homework. It's just not working, and I don't know what to do!"

"My son's teacher told me he's been playing rough on the playground. She asked me to speak to him, but I'm not sure what good that's going to do."

When teachers ask parents to get involved in the issues that come up for kids in school, it often creates more problems than it solves. Children can...

On November 7, 1997 I walked into one of my workshops - my "advanced" group, most of whom have been with me for at least several years. I was greeted with exclamations of confusion and bewilderment, resulting from an article appearing in the New York Times on that date entitled "When Parents Decide To Take Charge Again." In case you didn't have an opportunity to read the article yourself, the gist of it was that many parents are disillusioned with the "psychologically correct mode of discipline" -- concerned that "appeals to the child's better side" in an effort...

Infants are naturally good eaters. They fuss when they're hungry, eat heartily until they feel satisfied, and then they stop eating. Why, then, are food issues and eating disorders on the rise? Why don't the natural eating habits of the infant last? What goes wrong?

The answer is that many things can go wrong. However, as parents, we have an integral part in helping our children develop healthy ideas about eating that can compliment their natural instincts and deter dangerous eating habits later on.

Let's look at the influences that shift our...

"I'm totally stuck," said a mother to me recently. "Every time I try to set a limit with my son, and I tell him how I feel about his behavior, he either ignores me or says in a snotty voice `I don't care!' If I try to follow through with a consequence, and tell him I'm going to take away his Nintendo, he also says `I don't care.' I just don't know how to discipline him. He doesn't care if I do, so it has no impact."

The problem that this woman is experiencing is not uncommon. It stems from the fact that children, of all ages and either gender, are...

Single parents are often concerned with their "single" status. They worry that being single might have a negative effect on their children. Sometimes they feel guilty that their child isn't "getting as much" as a child in a two parent home. Often they feel bewildered or exhausted by the constant demands of taking care of a child single-handedly. Common, too, at least in divorced households, is the added anger or bitterness toward an uncooperative ex-spouse.

The feelings that single parents have can seem particularly intense at times. If you're not single...

There isn't a parent in the world who hasn't, at one time or another, found themselves locked in mortal combat with a child, struggling for power. From the minute a child can pronounce the word "no" straight through and including adulthood, parents find the notion of power -- what kind, how much, and when to give it -- a frustrating and sometimes overwhelming challenge.

When our children are infants power is not an issue. For one thing, they can't talk back, for another they are so small that we easily dominate them. We, the...

As I sat indoors this past season in some of the coldest weather we'd seen in many winters, with my children bored and irritable, full of energy with no place to expend it, I longed for the warmer days of spring and summer when I could set them loose on the playground. Now the opportunity is here, and I've breathed a sigh of relief. But as any parent can attest, the playground brings its own challenges. At times the politics on the playground rival those of the Capital in Washington. Is it o.k. for your child to play with someone else's shovel and pail if the...

Summer's over, it's the beginning of October, and our children are in school. Most parents have breathed a sigh of relief, and are looking towards holiday preparations. Everyone is settled into the new routine. Or are they?

"I don't understand what's wrong with my son. He's absolutely bouncing off the walls when he gets home from school. I didn't see this behavior over the summer."

"My daughter's teacher told me she hit someone in school. She's never hit anyone in her life!"

"My son is so morose and unpleasant. What's going on?"

...